Saturday, March 3, 2012
No Moral Reason To Be Chaste ? Wrong.
This article hurts me, it hurts me because I'm writing this in response to a friend who made a claim that I could NOT ignore. He stated that there was "NO moral reason to be chaste." Needless to say I found this statement to be entirely false since my reasons for remaining chaste are completely moral, therefore my own virginity refutes his statement. But let's not take my word for it, let's examine the argument. Now, considering this is a Christian blog you're probably guessing that I'm gonna whip out my Bible and appeal to my Christianity to support my reasons for remaining chaste...well in 99.99% of the cases you'd be right, but in this case you're 100% wrong. I am simply going to appeal to facts. Before I go any further I'd just like to say that me and the person I'm writing this article in response to are on speaking terms and I will send this to him once I am finished. Without further adieu, let's begin.
Can you imagine a world without STDs? Can you imagine a world where EVERYONE knew EXACTLY who their parents were? Can you imagine a world where babies weren't being killed before they even get to see the light of day? Such a world is 100% possible and the ONLY thing keeping that world from existing is our inability to keep it in our pants (and in ladies cases, keep your legs closed). This is NOT to call women whores and men lechers, rather this is to explain a very server problem with a very SIMPLE solution. I have never suffered from an STD, I have never faced the daunting reality of being ill prepared for an unexpected pregnancy, I have never felt the emotional weight of knowing my offspring was aborted. In a like manner I will never spread an STD, I will never cause a woman to become a mother without preparation and I will never cause a woman to get an abortion...Why? Because I haven't had sex.
I'm going to get a little personal here. Myself and my girlfriend are both virgins, neither of us have ever had sex. Considering we plan to get married, the only people we WILL be having sex with is with each other. In that realm the potential of catching an STD and spreading it is ZERO. People will often chime in and say things like "Married couples catch STDs too!" TRUE! But that's only if one of them were getting action outside the marriage. I know someone who recently caught herpes (very unfortunate) now the sad thing is the person he caught them from was completely unaware that she had them and she passed them along to that someone. You're telling me it's not moral to willingly limit the potential spread of a disease? How am I limiting it? By not having sex. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I don't have herpes, because I've never engaged in any activity to potentially get them.
The unfortunate thing about STDs is that some of them show NO symptoms therefore making some men/women carriers. The proper thing to do is to get tested, but how many people get tested after EVERY sexual encounter...I imagine not many...including porn stars. So these carriers are unsuspectingly infecting people, and some of those infected people become carriers themselves and they infect more people...and so on. So one moral reason to remain chaste is to limit the spread of STDs. I made a moral decision in my mind that I was not going to have sex because:
A) I didn't want to get infected.
B) I didn't want to infect anyone else.
Now you may consider this paranoid but I ask you to consider the statistics on STDs and weigh your chances. I know 2 people who had their FIRST sexual experience only to contract chlamydia and herpes. Call me a puritan, call me paranoid, call me negative BUT I know for a fact that when I have sex I won't have to worry about infecting my girlfriend with an STD because I was a carrier and vice-versa. Is that not a moral action to seek the protection of the one you love?
To move on to my next point, let's talk about Progeny. Unfortunately in the African American community there is a HUGE problem with progeny. Too many children are walking this Earth COMPLETELY unaware of who their father is, who their brothers and sisters are ect. ect. This is all because of Progeny. I hate to use this as an example BUT we've ALL seen The Maury Povich Show. This show is an unfortunate carnival of (more often than not) minority women who are DETERMINED to ascertain the progeny of their child...and they do this by parading several men on stage claiming them to be the father...why...because they had sex with every last one of those men. Each of those men have the potential to be that baby's father...and unfortunately the most celebrated moments on The Maury Povich Show are when the words "YOU ARE NOT FATHER!" are spoken, which causes the men to often leap out of their seats in an exclamation of GREAT joy.
I only post this to provide an example...
As darkly humorous as these moments are, we're ignoring a MAJOR problem here...a child is missing out on a father because of the mother's inability to remain chaste. Considering how many African American children DON'T know who their fathers are, each time this happens we should be crying our eyes out. Because children without fathers are more likely to engage in criminal activity (and considering I fall into this category, I have NOT engaged in any criminal activity, but I can't deny that according to statistics I am an anomaly). Not to mention a father's involvement in a child's life is CRITICAL to their development. My Friend (the person I am writing this article to) mentioned that his father died when he was 3, and even he expressed that he'd like to know his father. So even he understands the critical role Fatherhood plays in childhood development. To purposefully rob a child of that is one of the most cruel actions another human can commit without the shedding of blood.
So how can this problem be fixed? Once again, limiting your sexual encounters to ONE PERSON. When I have children I'll know EXACTLY who their mother is and they will know EXACTLY who their father is. If people followed such practices we would not have the abundance of undisciplined children roaming the streets as we do, and we wouldn't have phrases like "Mother's baby, Father's maybe." floating around. All of this can be accomplished by remaining chaste. And is not providing a children with a sense of familial identity a moral action?
But I skipped a step, how do we end up on The Maury Povich Show in the FIRST place? Lots of sex with multiple people and suddenly...maybe the tip of a condom wasn't pinched, maybe it split in some places, maybe he wanted to go raw dog that one time, regardless of how...all of a sudden you've got a baby on your hands. A baby that you're NOT prepared for AT ALL. A baby's that's gonna need your love and attention and you've got college, or your job, or your English homework to worry about. This is an scenario that once again is prevalent in the African American community. Too many Too-Soon Mother end up raising children while they're children themselves and those children grow to lack discipline and other qualities that will aide them in being productive member of society. Why does this happen? Because somewhere down the line he/she got it in their heads that they were some how invincible from facing any consequences of having sex.
Sure condoms work, sure the pill works BUT the catch is you have to remember to put one on and you have to remember to take it. Let's be honest here, only the MOST responsible guys are going to stop when they discover they have no condoms. But in most cases, just one innocent "just this one time." ends up become Child support payments for the next 18 years of your life. I'm not currently facing that problem, not because I've always wore a condom or because my girlfriend always takes the pill after, but because we haven't had sex. So when we do get married and have sex we can have a discussion about potentially bringing children in this world (we both want to) instead of constantly having to worry about not having condoms and pills ect. ect. Unfortunately people don't think like this and we end up conceiving children before we're prepared to take care of them. Isn't preparing an environment where both parents are ready and willing to be parents for your child a moral action?
Same scenario as above, lots of sex, multiple people, something happens that shouldn't have happened and all of a sudden you've got a baby on your hands. Except this time things are different, you already have children, you can't afford another, or maybe your job is far too important for you to have to slow down for a child, your Ph.D is near complete, whatever the case maybe, having this baby will irrecoverably set you back a great deal. So you turn to abortion. Then comes the moral question on whether or not abortion is murder (no small clue to figure out where I stand on that issue). I can tell you with 100% certainty that my girlfriend won't have to deal with this issue, mostly because we want children (so the concept of an unwanted pregnancy won't be an issue) and we consider abortion murder. BUT I don't want a baby right now, neither does she and the BEST way to keep that from happening to remain chaste. If people were to do that we wouldn't have a need for abortion clinics.
All of these things I listed to you are NOT fantastically or unrealistic, BECAUSE I AM LIVING PROOF THAT IT'S POSSIBLE. This is NOT difficult (speaking from experience), this is from making intelligent decisions based on things I've learned in Sex education in High School. My mother didn't brow beat me into being Chaste, nor did my Church ostracize promiscuity beyond what any normal church would do. I was not taught that if I have sex I'm going to Hell, nor would I endorse that mode of thinking. I was not taught that sex was dirty. I was taught that Sex is the means of reproduction for (just about) all living species and that in most cases it feels VERY good (that part I'm looking forward to very much). One thing I was taught about sex is that if done wrong, HORRIBLE things can happen and considering the state of our world as it is today, they already have.
STDs are in abundance, children without fathers, abortions, all of these problem can be solved by the SINGLE action of remaining chaste. Now, as I have said earlier in this article that DO plan of having sex, so I am not actually chaste, I am abstinent. But considering I haven't had sex AT ALL I am chaste de facto (hehe). I am NOT ordering people to NEVER have sex EVER...of course not, not even I would endorse such a suicidal plan. I am however instructing people to limit their sexual encounters to one person. Oh but Ugo, that's unrealistic! Is it? People have done it before...people ARE doing it now...you mean to tell me that having sex with just one person is an unrealistic goal...that's rather sad. Oh but Ugo how are you ever gonna get good at sex if you only have sex with one person? (I've been asked this question before and it makes me roll my eyes.)
To answer that question I'm going to use a video game reference and use some "wisdom" other people have told me about sex. I was told that "Not every woman is the same.", with that in mind let me move on to my video game analogy: If I wanted to get good at playing "Halo", I am NOT going to play "Final Fantasy"! Same system (female), different controls (likes and dislikes), and an over all different tactic to play (positions). Meaning if I'm gonna get good at playing "Halo" I'm gonna play "Halo" until I learn everything there is to know about "Halo". In a like manner I plan on learning my wife and her learning me and us learning each other when we do have sex. Those who've had sex can't deny that it's a learning experience that only get better with practice, however for me I'll be able to apply what I've learned...the rest of you will have to learn a new woman all over again (that's only if you subscribe to that ideology). This was off topic...just felt like throwing that in there.
Anyway, I hope I've made a clear and logical choice on the morality of remaining chaste...at least I hope I did considering that these are the reasons I am not having sex yet. Now I will admit that if I was in a better financial situation I would be more open to the idea of premarital sex, but even then I'd have other things to consider that money couldn't solve. How's about that, an entire article on a Christian blog that DOESN'T make a SINGLE religious argument for chastity...hrm...almost makes me feel guilty, lol Heb 13:4. Thank you and God Bless.